Chase: Hey guys, it's Chase with CSJoseph.life. We've been going over the 16 personalities, the 16 archetypes according to Jungian analytical psychology. We did the ESTJ, ESTP, and the ENTJ as part of the direct initiating control types also known as the in-charge/structure types. We did those first three temperaments as well, which is traditionalist, the artisans, and the intellectual, but today we're gonna be doing the idealist for the direct initiating control types. So, this is the structure idealist, the in-charge idealist also known as the mentor, or the ENFJ.
Chase: I like ENFJs a lot. I like them like I like the Chiefs. The ENTJ's because it's Se Child. Se Child makes my Si Inferior super happy in every way. Se Child is all about being really good at giving the ultimate experience and that can be anywhere from the bedroom or the kitchen if you know what I mean. That, by the way, goes for both genders. It's not just for one gender. It's actually both genders.
Chase: Yeah, I'm sorry if the lighting is a little bit off. It's a little dark where I'm at, but it's nice outside and I kind of wanted you guys to be able to see the whiteboard that I'm using today. Speaking of which, let's bring that up right now.
Chase: Let's see if you guys can see that pretty well here. All right. Yeah, that is the ENFJ whiteboard. ENFJs are the extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging type. They are basically like the in-charge/structure idealist as we just talked. That means they're like very people-focused, but they do it in a structured or in-charge manner as far as social interaction goes. They are also direct initiating control, DIC. So, they are a dick just like the three other dicks alongside with them with the four DICs, DIC, direct initiating control.
Chase: They're very socially oriented. ENFJs are all about crafting the best social experience, the best meetings, the best family parties or any party to be honest. A lot of people think ENSPs are the best partiers. Nope. It's hands down the ENJs, the ENTJ and the ENFJ but especially the ENFJ because they are so socially oriented that they can really make the best parties.
Chase: Why is that? Well, it's because they have this thing called Fe Hero. Fe Hero is all about how everyone else feels. It's about ethical decision making. They know what the collective value judgment is. They already know how everyone feels about everything. They walk in a room and they just know how everybody feels and they keep track of that. If they see anyone that feels bad or is down they'll go right over to that person and light them up and try to bring them up. Of course, if they can't bring them up, then they are like, "Okay, well something's wrong with you. Screw you. I'm not gonna waste my time on you. You can be there alone Mr. Dark Cloud while I go hang out with the people that are actually fun." You know what I mean?
Chase: So, ENFJs can make these amazing parties. For example, there's this co-worker I had, his name is Chris. He had these crazy, good parties that he'd host at his house. His Christmas dinner every year was a big time roast. He'd go hunting with his friends every year and he'd bring back deer that he'd shoot and have it butchered and handed out to his friends or had the meat available for his barbecues that he'd host and get this giant smoker out and everything. Everything was all about crafting and delivering the ultimate experience, the ultimate social experience, the ultimate party. Let me tell you, he certainly loved to drink alcohol. To be honest, I don't know a single ENJ that does not enjoy drinking alcohol, especially when among friends. They take it very seriously.
Chase: That's just mostly because Fe Hero and Se Child. Se Child innocently wants to give the balloons and candy, wants to give the ultimate experience just like the best possible experience just like the Se Child of the ENTJ does, but because they're ENFJs and they're idealists they want to be the ideal, perfect experience. They kind of go the extra mile. Whereas the ENTJ makes it into a work of art as that's what their experience something that they themselves feel good about doing.
Chase: It's not that way with ENFJ. The ENFJ wants to do it because they are trying to make everybody feel good. They are trying to deliver the ideal experience for everybody and based on how everyone else would feel about it not based on how they themselves. Like, "I feel good about this experience I'm giving you." Well, that's the ENTJ with their ISF peace of conscious. Whereas the ENFJ, you're gonna feel good about the experience I'm gonna give you because I want to give you an experience that you feel really good about because I think that's best for you. That's kind of how their functions go together.
Chase: Let's talk about the ENFJ ego a little bit more. We already talked about Fe Hero, all about ethics. Everyone knows they're aware of the good or bad value judgment in other people. They make decisions similar to how a rational person does. A rational person is about how everyone thinks true or false and then majority rules is their decision.
Chase: Extraverted feeling is about how everyone feels. It's a good or bad value judgment, good or bad decision. Whatever the collective feels is a good thing, that's what I'm going to do because it's all about how everyone else feels. It's not about what everyone else thinks. It's not even about how I feel. It's about how everyone else feels and that's extraverted feeling. It makes them super caring.
Chase: Often times ENFJs, they can be easily taken advantage of because of how caring and how giving they are to the point where they can be treated like doormats. Now, ENFJ men they, if it's upfront and in their face, they'll knee-jerk react to it and then they'll put up their fists and go to blows over it. If it's done to them subtly, if there's a subtle manipulation, they're not really aware of that very much. They will get aware to it over time if they have enough data from past hurtful experiences where people have done it to them. Otherwise, if they don't have that information from those past experiences or they don't see it happening to other people around them with their Se Child ... Se Child detects what the happenings or the experiences that other people have. So, if they're not able to see it happening to other people and they don't have that past data, which is hard for them to keep track of their past data because they have Si Trickster. Based off that, they might not realize they're being taken advantage of sometimes. It happens to them quite regularly.
Chase: If you're in a relationship with an ENFJ or you're doing business with one, realize that they have that weakness of being taken advantage of. Now, a lot of ENFJ men watching this would say, "Oh, no. That's not me. That will never happen." But then again, I see some ENFJ men get involved with churches and they just get completely taken advantage of, all their time is taken away from them, and for what? For $330,000 of debt on a failed church building. Great, that was useful. See, they all have to deal with these struggles.
Chase: I recommend, as an ENFJ, if you're an ENFJ and you're watching this, don't pump yourself up. Don't get so arrogant to realize that you're not weak against subtle manipulation. If it's overt manipulation and it's obvious, sure, but if it's covert, good luck. You're going to need some help 'cause covert manipulation especially since ENFJs deal with ENFPs a lot. ENFPs are probably the most manipulative of all the types in a lot of cases. The reason is because while their virtue is charity, the ENFP vice is depravity, which makes them potentially extremely selfish. That causes them to take advantage of those high Fe Users, INFJs, ISFJs, ESFJs, and especially the ENFJ.
Chase: ENFJ's trying to give that good experience to the ENFP and the ENFP is like, "Oh, yeah. Give it to me. Give me that amazing experience." At the same time, the ENFJ doesn't realize that they're being subtly manipulated, that they're being subtly taken advantage of, covert manipulation. They have to be on the watch for that.
Chase: More on that in a few minutes though because that can backfire. The ENFJ has a problem where they jump to conclusions and they assume they're being subtly manipulated when in reality that's not actually happening.
Chase: Ni Parent similar to the ENTJ makes the ENFJ want things on a responsible point of view. They're trying to be responsible with what they want. They end up criticizing other people with what they want because they know what they want and they know that they're being responsible about it, but they see everyone else being irresponsible with what they want, irresponsible with their intentions. Because of that, ENFJs end up being really jaded towards the intentions of other people to the point where they walk around every day thinking everyone is just going the wrong way. Everyone is choosing bad futures for themselves.
Chase: The ENFJ's like, "I'm one of the few people that is choosing a good future for myself, but you're choosing a bad future. How can you make that decision?" They're constantly critical of the life choices or the decisions of their fellow family members or any fellow human being that they come into contact with. They're very quick to point the finger about how people are wanting the wrong things or making the wrong decisions, especially decisions that will impact other people beyond them like children, for example. The ENFJs all the time just get so triggered when people are making bad life decisions with their relationships to the point where all the sudden if someone got pregnant or all the sudden a divorce is happening and children are being split up from their parents and it's just drama.
Chase: You got to watch out for that and best way to handle it is really just to communicate to ENFJ, over-communicate, like explain yourself. That can get really tiring for me because I'm in a relationship right now with an ENFJ and I have to explain myself all time. As a man, I'm just like, "Really? Why do I have to keep explaining myself? Why don't you just trust me? You should really just trust me because I've earned it. I've put in many, many years of loyalty and demonstrating loyalty to you. You should at least trust me in what I'm saying or where I'm going with this. I haven't steered you wrong before. What makes it different now?"
Chase: Well, Se Child combined with Ti Inferior causes the ENFJ to think about this. It could be different this time. They take every situation on a unique, case-by-case basis to the point where even if someone has a solid track record of loyalty, of good behavior in their relationship, they'll still doubt that relationship. They'll still have a hard time trusting that person anyway because, "It could be this time that they're going to actually betray me. It could be. It might actually happen this time. I'm seeing the signs." When, in reality, that's not actually true at all.
Chase: Because it could be different this time with their Ne Critic, then they're always on watch. They're always on guard for that imminent betrayal. It becomes what I call the self-licking ice cream cone. ENTJs have the same problem with their Ne Critic. The self-licking ice cream cone, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep doubting someone who is loyal and faithful to you, guess what? You're going to cause them to become loyal and unfaithful to you. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Stop jumping to conclusions that these people are not loyal to you when in reality they are.
Chase: But, I see the signs, man. I know. I see the signs. It's like, "Okay, no. You don't actually know what you're doing because, in order for you to know, you'd have to be always around them with your Se Child to constantly see what they're doing so that you could monitor them. Then again, what kind of relationship is that if you're just monitoring them at all times?
Chase: Well, I should be able to read their phone and know what's going on. No, no you shouldn't. That's an invasion of privacy. For those of you out there who think that it's okay to read each other's spouse's phones, well that proves trust. No. That's, quite honestly guys, that's pathetic. If you have to, if you're requiring your spouse or significant other to share your phone with them or whatever so that you can read their phone all the time, that's not proof of loyalty, that's mistrust actually. Be aware of that.
Chase: That's because Se Child is constantly trying to get loyalty. The ENFJs responsible with what it wants and because it's responsible with what it wants, it's always committed to giving the person the best experience, but it's like this covert contract. The ENFJ is like, "Well, because I'm devoted to giving you the best experience, I expect loyalty in return and you will give me loyalty no matter what. Even blind loyalty where you'll be willing to sign your life away to me because I'm literally signing my life away to you and you could be taking advantage of me. Since I'm willing to follow you over a cliff, you better be willing to follow me over a cliff." It's this big-time, covert contract.
Chase: ENTJs kind of have that problem, but at least with ENTJs, you can be like, "No, I don't think this is cool," and actually have an objective conversation about it. With ENFJ, not so much. They live in covert contract land and if an ENFJ is not upfront about their social discussions or their little social rules or social games that their Fe Hero does with their Se Child, they're not upfront with someone about those things, their Ti Inferior will start to think that that's the standard and then they'll hold you to it even though they've never communicated that with you. Even though it's never even been communicated one time, the ENFJ can of that so you've got to be careful. You've got to watch out for that.
Chase: Now, that's not to say that ENFJs are people you shouldn't have a relationships with, they're amazing people especially when it comes to the community, especially when it comes to family, especially when it comes to parenting children, especially when it comes to being in the bedroom and the kitchen. They literally put their all into everything they do. They're either all in or they're all out. It's literally black and white, but because it's so black and white, it can go black just as quickly as it could go white. You guys got to be careful. You got to know what you're dealing with. That's not to say that you do not have relationship with them. You should. I recommend it especially if you're a Si User. I recommend an ENFJ especially if you're an Si Child or Si Inferior. I recommend it.
Chase: Anyway, Se Child is all about trying to deliver the best experience ever. That's what makes their Fe and Se combined. They become the ultimate party animal, the ultimate person to host parties, even Tupperware parties. I went to a Tupperware party one time and I thought I'd be bored out of my mind, but because some ENFJ was doing it, it was like thoroughly the best thing ever. It was awesome. I couldn't even believe it and how their mastery of the kitchen was delectable. It was unbelievable.
Chase: I even had a similar experience with an ENTJ with their Se Child. They're hosting a car show and I thought I'd be bored out of my mind. After driving a Maserati and Ferrari with them, yeah, not so much. It was fantastic.
Chase: Anyway, Ti Inferior, this is where you got to be really, really careful with an ENFJ. An ENFJ literally believes, especially men believe, that they're right all the time in everything. The reality of the situation is they're not and actually, deep down, the ENFJ is afraid that they're wrong. They're afraid that they're stupid. Every ENFJ, male or female, walks around afraid that they're stupid, afraid that they're incorrect, afraid that their thoughts might not actually be true.
Chase: So, They're constantly going to other people asking them, "Hey, how do you feel about my thought here. I had a thought. How do you feel about it?" Because, they want to find that external validation. ENFJs crave recognition and external validation more than anything. Why? Because they're so afraid that they're not actually smart enough so if they get that external validation from elsewhere, they have confidence in their thinking. Even though on the outside, it looks like they're confident in their thinking when deep down they're not actually confident about their thinking.
Chase: That's why if you tell an ENFJ that they're stupid, they will hate you. They will hate you for the rest of their life and there's nothing you could do to get out of that. They will cut you off. You do not tell ENFJs that they're stupid. That's the quickest way to gather up hatred within an ENFJ. Of course, it's to say also don't treat them like they're the smartest person in the world either because they know they're limitations. At least respect their thinking. At least listen to them.
Chase: That's the thing about ENFJs, as long as you at least listen to an ENFJ, even if they're wrong but you've taken the time to at least listen to what they've had to say, and then prove to them why their point is incorrect, they'll have no problem with you because you at least gave them their day in court. That's all they ever want. Quite frankly, that's how you make their superego happy.
Chase: If you continue to give the ENFJ their day in court, their superego won't come out. If you don't give them their day in court, their Te Demon will be like, "This is unfair. This is not the rules of our relationship." Cover contracts, uh-oh. Because you're not dealing with these rules or these covert contracts I gave you, I'm going to elect myself judge, jury, and executioner with my ESTJ superego and I will literally kill you. I'll grab my weapon. I'll just like, "Wacha. Wacha."
Chase: An ESTJ demon superego's going to come after you. They're going to be using a whip and they'll literally become this crazy task-master that will try to take over your life and control every little detail about your life. That is how ESTJ demon comes out with their superego. It's because they're perceiving ... See, ENFJs become super indignant where they're perceiving unfair treatment. It's because they feel like they're not being given their day in court with their Ti Inferior.
Chase: You have to give the ENFJ their day in court. It is crucial. Without their day in court, they start believing that you don't value them. You have to give them their day in court. It's important. You have to communicate with them, over-communicate with them. In fact, of all the types, this is the one type that you want to over-communicate with more than any other type.
Chase: Constantly inundate them with communication information. No matter how trivial that information is, they want to know about it. They want to hear about it. It's crazy, but it works. Even though, especially ENFJ men, they claim they don't want all the trivial information, but when you look at it in practice, they do. So, don't believe them. Literally, don't believe them. Over-communicate with them. It's so much better because it keeps their Ti Inferior informed. The more their Ti Inferior's informed, the more smart they feel. The more effective they become. The more confident they become and they actually are able to meet goals and to become super diligent and super productive.
Chase: That's another thing about ENFJs, when they get over their insecurity, when they are secure in their thinking, they can activate their ISTP subconscious and they literally become the most diligent person, one of the most diligent people. The same thing happens with ENTJs with their Fi Inferior. If they believe that they're doing the good thing, if they believe they're being a good person, they can activate their ISFP subconscious and also become super diligent.
Chase: ISPs are the two types that are the most diligent of all the 16 types and you really want to activate that inner diligence inside ENJs to gain the ISP subconscious diligence. They absolutely need it. So does everyone else because they're able to be so people-focused and their level of activism, community-organizing, community-development can come into play that when they are so diligent in that way, it literally lends the best possible experience to everybody in the community that they're working in, in the family that they're working at, at the party they're hosting, at the church they're being involved with. It's really, really crucial.
Chase: So, make sure you guys over-communicate with them so that they can feel confident in their thinking. Make sure they have all the information as well as the context. Do not leave out the context. If you leave out the context, the ENFJ can become easily confused because they have Ti Inferior. That's a problem. You do not want a confused ENFJ on your hands because they're an in-charge type and they'll start making decisions and quickly. They don't wait. They don't wait because they have Si Trickster.
Chase: Si Trickster makes them impatient. Si also makes them forgetful, so they're also going to be forgetting the context. All the information that you keep trying to throw at the ENFJ, it goes in one ear and out the other. Why? Because new data coming in pushes the old out and that's a problem. That makes the ENFJ super forgetful.
Chase: Try to make sure you write things down for ENFJs. Use emails. Use text messages. Have them write things down. ENFJs need their own personal scribe and if that's you, if you're in a relationship with an ENFJ, please become their scribe and be their mind on paper as it were. That's what really helps them engage. It helps them keep that Ti Inferior confident 'cause they know that they're not going to forget anything. If you're literally their walking library, their walking long-term memory bank, their walking hard drive, their Se Child just gets so much stronger and they're able to even deliver even better experiences just because you are in their life. That's amazing.
Chase: Now to their unconscious, the INFP. Fi Nemesis, this is a major, major problem with ENFJs. Fi Nemesis is a little bit difficult to get around. It's because they walk around worrying every day about their self-worth. ENFJs are worried about their self-worth every single day. It is crazy how worried about their self. They always want to be able to do a good job. It's just another reason why they need that validation, that external validation, that external recognition.
Chase: If you have an ENFJ that's giving their all in your organization or in your church or in your family or at a party or whatever and you're not giving them recognition for the good job they're doing, not only are they going to hate you, but they're no longer going to be motivated with their Ni Parent to actually help you. Deep down, ENFJs, they don't care about the money as much. They don't care about status like ENTJs do. They care about recognition, external validation, appreciation. You need to give them appreciation because if you give an ENFJ appreciation, then they stop worrying that they're a bad person and they do this all the time.
Chase: Because they worry that they're a bad person, they hold everyone to this crazy standard of high perfectionism because they're perfectionists. They're idealists. They're holding everyone to these insane ideas of ideal and the Fi Nemesis knows that they are not able even to meet their own standards of ideals or idealism. That makes them feel bad about themselves while simultaneously they're holding everyone else to those same standards.
Chase: If you show appreciation to an ENFJ, if you give them recognition, that doesn't matter anymore. Then, their head doesn't get too big for their britches. A lot of people think that when you show appreciation to a person in that way that they're going to become arrogant. Not really so much with ENFJs because they're already afraid that they're dumb and they're already worried that they're a bad person. They're not really liable to get as arrogant. They may get arrogant for like a moment with their Se Child, but five minutes later, not really because their mind is just going to slowly go back in that area of fear and that area of worry in these areas. You need to be around there to help manage that.
Chase: A lot of ENFJs don't want to admit it, but they need to be managed. They need their thoughts managed and they need their feelings managed. Their feelings are best managed by you saying how good you feel about them and how great the experience is that they give you. You do that through words of affirmation. That's their love language. The main love language of ENFJ is words of affirmation. They want to receive words of affirmation. Their secondary one is like gifts because they love giving gifts. They love receiving gifts. Words of affirmation are even more.
Chase: An INFP, which is their shadow, is the opposite. The INFP, their number one love language is receiving gifts and then words of affirmation. Primary and secondary. For primary, for ENFJ, it's definitely words of affirmation. That's what they need to get over their Fi Nemesis.
Chase: Ne critic, we kind of talked about at the beginning of the video, they can jump to conclusions, they criticize other people about their intentions to the point where it causes them to become really mistrusting of others. It's really frustrating. Do your best to do demonstrations of loyalty, but don't go super high with demonstrations of loyalty or else they'll come to expect them on a regular basis to the point where it could actually become abusive because they'll do their loyalty checks. Or, they'll push you, they loyal person, away, so far away just to see if you'll bounce back.
Chase: Remember ENFJs never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn. Everyone has their limits. Who are you to elect yourself this person that's like, "Well, I've done all these good things for you because I have this covert contract with you that I never told you about or communicated with you about. So, I'm going to do a loyalty check to see if you'll still bounce back to me or not." Then, all of a sudden, because you've done that to me, I've decided to throw your ass in the dumpster and not have anything to do with you because you went too far with your loyalty check especially over a covert contract that you never even told me about to begin with. Great, that's how ENFJs alienate their friends and their family and their lovers. Don't do it. Seriously guys, don't fucking do that. It's horrible. It will really destroy your relationships.
Chase: How relationship-focused an ENFJ is, you will see them get super, mega depressed after they've realized that they have alienated someone. Remember, Fe Hero means they feel insane amounts of guilt and ENFJs can be guilted easily. Guys, avoid guilting your ENFJ unless they deserve it. If they don't deserve it, watch out. Do not let them be guilted.
Chase: Remember what I said at the beginning of the video, they are weak to covert manipulation and ENFPs especially and INFPs are masters at using guilt to get what they want. ENFJs can be very vulnerable to that. If you see your ENFJ being guilted by somebody, you need to get in there immediately and put a stop to it. Do not let them be guilted unless they deserve it. Even if they deserve it, there's a danger. You need to do your best to protect your ENFJ from guilt.
Chase: ENFJs, please watch out and realize how guilty you guys can get and how that guilt can cause you to have your decisions be influenced. Please be very careful about that. I know you want people to value you. I know you want people to appreciate you. I know you want that recognition, but if you put yourself out there too far, you are liable for feeling insane amounts of guilt and then using that guilt against you so that it forces you to make decisions that you never would have made before previously. It's a huge risk so be careful.
Chase: Si Trickster we talked about. They have a hard time forgetting things. They store their memory in the physical environment, so when they pick up objects, they remember where that object has been or where it's from. All of the memories attached to that object just instantly come back in their head. Sticky notes, notes, emails, texts, very important. Make sure ENFJs you store your memories in the physical environment because you're not going to remember it. Or, have somebody else around that is a Si User so you can tell them stuff so they can remember it for you. I highly recommend that.
Chase: This is why ENFJs need to be with high Si Users, especially Si Child or Si Inferior, and sometimes Si Hero to help them remember things. I've never really seen them get with Si Parents so much in a romantic relationships scenario. I'm sure it happens I just haven't really observed it very much. Make sure you have a Si User in your life that you can talk to about things, confide in so they can remember these things about you.
Chase: Because they remember, you feel valued. It's like, "Oh, remember that amazing experience? I really etched your soul with my Se Child for that good experience I gave you." Yes, they remember. Anytime Se Child does something for me and gives me a good experience, I remember and I recite it to them at times. All the good things that they've done for me 'cause sometimes they need to know that so that they remember that they're not a bad person and they remember that they're not stupid.
Chase: Remember Te Demon we talked about earlier and how it works with the superego. Remember fourth function gives you access to the subconscious. Bottom function, the eighth function gives you access to the superego. Remember, they need their day in court. Always give them their day in court. Always listen to their thinking 'cause if you don't, their demon will kick in, they'll become their superego and they'll elect themselves judge, jury, and executioner if you're not careful.
Chase: You got to be careful with that because they will sell you down river first chance they get if they are not getting their day in court with you. You must give them their day in court. Remember, they're an in-charge type guys. They're a structure type. There's a lot of elegance. ENFJs are very benevolent in their in-charge and they're benevolent because they're trying to help people and they're trying to help you craft the ultimate experience, all be about caring for others. I'm very, very caring and what not, but if you don't go there, that benevolence will go away and they'll become cruel. A cruel task-master with a whip all because they never got their day in court after all their positive contributions they made to you.
Chase: Watch out for that guys. You do not want a cruel ENFJ on your hands because the ways that they can come after you and screw you over, it's unbelievable. Be careful. You have to be careful with all that.
Chase: Anyway, if you found that video to be educational or helpful, please leave a like or subscribe. If you have any questions about ENFJs, leave a comment in the comments section. I will do my best to help you and answer your questions.
Chase: The next video we're going to be doing on is going to be on the ESFJ, which is similar to the ENFJ. Again, we're just going to be going and doing these profiles for all 16 types. Once that's done, we'll move on into virtue and vice. Also, I may be doing some more videos on human nurture pretty soon. I know I've been focusing on nature a lot, but I just wanted to get the foundation laid especially with all these profiles so that we can move forward into other discussions.
Chase: I will continue to always be doing human nature videos on Jungian analytical psychology and personality type, but the human nurture stuff's going to be really important. We're going to be diving into manhood, womanhood, as well as just how relationships actually work mechanically, human attraction dynamics, those types of subject matter as well. And, I'm going to be doing a series on sales and how to use type to maximize your ability to close deals.
Chase: Anyway, stay tuned with us guys. More to come in the very near future. Have a good day.