The First Pillar Of Self Intimacy (Needs)

Transcript:

Chase: 00:01 Hey, its CS Joseph with CSJoseph.Life, doing another video on the four pillars of self intimacy. We did an introduction video at the beginning of this series to kind of outline why the four pillars are important and that's through the use of the phrase "love your neighbor as yourself." But we're going to be exploring or doing a deep dive into the first pillar of self intimacy. So but before I do that let's restate why it's important. Remember, how can we be in a relationship, an intimate relationship with somebody else, if we don't know how to love ourselves or respect ourselves? That goes for any gender, doesn't matter if it's a woman or man. If we do not know how to take care of ourselves properly, respect ourselves and love ourselves, we have no business loving anyone else or being in a relationship with anyone else.

Chase: 01:04 So that being said, let's get started. So, the first pillar of the four pillars of self intimacy, and that is taking responsibility for meeting your own needs. Now where does this come from? [Comes] from Dr. Robert Glover. He wrote the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy," which is a very... pro masculine book. And I highly recommend it for any... anyone watching this channel. Including women by the way, because, if you're a woman and you read that book, you gain the tools with which to criticize your man for helping him build his manhood if you're willing to stay in a relationship with him when he has... piss poor manhood. So anyway, taking responsibility for meeting your own needs. You know, it's kind of interesting. A lot of men or women, they actually don't do this, you know, it's actually worse. It's getting a lot worse. It's very prevalent in first world society, especially where people are just not taking care of themselves. You hear often about the, you know, the 20 year old girl who's like 220 pounds and has an auto immune disease, and they're just doing nothing but playing World of Warcraft all day long.

Chase: 02:38 I mean, don't believe me? I know one personally, so... or there's men who are so focused on earning the approval of women that they don't... they don't even focus on or even think to meet their own needs first. It's because they have these covert contracts. That's what Dr. Robert Glover talks about, covert contracts meaning, you know, if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours type of thing. And then holding it to people so they, like, "Oh, I did this nice thing for you, so I expect you to give it back to me in kind." That's actually really manipulative and wrong. You know, it's one of the reasons why, like, men just don't do nice things for themselves. They're so focused on external judgments of other people. So it's really prevalent in certain personality types as well. So for example, like Fe inferiors or Te inferiors, even Te child, Fe child: all about trying to win recognition from other people or get people to think highly of them because of their status or whatever. So they can feel good about themselves.

Chase: 03:52 It's really relying on other people, and it's relying on other people to meet needs. That's the point of [the] this pillar. You have to recognize that you do have needs and it's okay to have needs, you know? If you're a guy it's okay to desire having sex, that's what you're supposed to do, right? So have that desire. Go seek to have it met, but just be advised, if you do that you better be willing to take a bullet for the person. So make sure you have enough nobility to handle that, if not then I'd advise her to throw your ass in the dumpster. So don't be wasting anyone's time, but recognize you have needs, you know, take yourself on a date. You know how often I go to the movie theater alone? Do that all the time. I like going to the cinema. That's what I do, you know? I'm meeting a need, right?

Chase: 04:54 Sure, I'm an extravert and I like to be around people, and sure I like to go with people, but people don't always want to go at the same time I want to go, right? So I just make it happen. I just do it right? But meeting your own needs is more than just, well, it's a lot more than just entertaining yourself, right? Like everyone needs to have a budget. Do you have a budget? Have you thought about getting a budget? People have financial needs. People have friends needs. You should be having friends in your own gender, they hold you accountable. They sharpen you, they make you better, you know. So, [so] let's look at the five priorities of life. That's one of the ways that I describe needs, needs assessment, so you can watch those needs. [So] comes from pastor Ken Hubbard, who knows what church he's with these days, but he calls it living by the fist. And he goes, faith, family, fitness, finance, and friends.

Chase: 06:13 So living by the fist, those represent your needs. Everyone has needs. Everyone needs to meet those needs. With faith it's not about going to a church or having a religion, although some people do that. What about having faith in yourself, right? How about having faith that tomorrow will have... it will be a better day. Having faith that you're going to be able to land that project, or you're going to be able to impress your boss, or are you going to get that job, that you will be successful, right? That's what it's all about. Faith, and having faith in circumstances where it looks like you're going to lose. Yet by some miracle you make it through, you know, having faith that you can do it. That's the point. That is one way that it works. So having faith in yourself.

Chase: 07:19 Then the next one, family. Some people have families, some people don't. I... I still have my parents. I have a lot of friends that don't even know their parents, or had parents that died. It's not necessarily about your blood relatives. It's about those absolutely closest to you. A lot of people don't realize that adults, you know, when they, you know, when they grow up, when someone grows up an adult, life is not about the family you come from. It's about the family you choose, you know? Unless you're in a cult, so different, but make sure that you're choosing the right people to be in your family and take care of them. And having a family is a need. Gaining yourself a family is a need. Taking care of your family is a need. So I will meet that need.

New Speaker: 08:17 Fitness, the next one, the next finger on the fist. If you're not eating clean, if you're not eating organic and non-GMO, some people say that they're the same or... they're [they're] not. They're not the same. Make sure that you are eating properly. If you need help with how to eat, or if you have health problems, I recommend going to fixyourgut.com. And no, I'm not getting paid to say that {there's a lot of bugs out here}. Go to fixyourgut.com. Download the book, or just look up an ailment, or just read. Like there's a great blog about water, you know? Make sure you're not drinking any water where you'll give yourself H. pylori and then end up with gastritis for the rest of your life or multiple sclerosis the rest of your life. Yeah. Did you know that multiple sclerosis is caused by H. pylori infection? Yeah. Huh? Fitness.

New Speaker: 09:18 Go to the gym, right? If you don't know what gym to go to, and again, I'm not getting paid to say this, go to eattoperform.com. Download the app MyFitnessPal. Get a fitbit or an apple watch. Connect it all together, you get your own little coach, and then you're told how many grams of carbs, and protein, and fat you should eat per day. And you're given, like, this sheet saying, "Eat these foods, throw them in your app, and then do these lifts at the gym." It's pretty simple. Get fit. Everyone needs to be focused on getting fit. People need to, like, get out of their mother's basements and stopped being, you know, weighing like 300 plus pounds. I'm getting tired of it, you know, I would know. I weighed 287 pounds when I was 15 years old. That sucked.

Chase: 10:10 And then eventually, like, I got on the cross country team when I was 18, imagine that. So go out of your way to meet your needs. The next need... the next need: finance. Make sure you have a budget. Make sure you adhere to your budget. If you don't know how to manage your budget, there's tons of apps out there that could do this for you. One such app is... one such app was like mint.com, although funnily enough today mint decided to not allow online bill pay with our system, which is, my opinion, really dumb. So I wouldn't recommend actually using mint.com, but find something similar, something that can help you actually pay your bills as well as keep track of your budget, so you always know what's up. And always have a plan with your money if you're just kinda going lackadaisical. You end up in debt.

New Speaker: 11:17 And then you'll end up homeless like I did. I had a $130,000 in student loan debt when I graduated. Then as soon as I graduated, it was the 2009 economic downturn and I couldn't get a job. So you can kind of see where that went, right? Somehow by some miracle now I'm almost done paying off my student loans nowadays. Because I kept at it, and I wasn't going to allow myself to default on any of my loans no matter what. I had to make some serious sacrifices to make that happen. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs, your financial needs, you know, either you have to increase income or you have to by doing something extra on the side, right? Or you have to decrease your expenses and make cuts, make sacrifices. That's what [it] is required to be a mature human being in this society. You have to do it. And friends, another need.

Chase: 12:17 If you're a man you need to be around men, real men, not man children. Actual real men. Men of honor, men of integrity. Men who are married, men who have children. Men that will take you on hunting trips or go rafting, you know? Men that will have your back in hard times, and men that you can have their back in hard times for them. Women you need to be around other women. Yeah, I know sometimes it sucks being around women, especially since you all decide to judge each other all the time and compete with each other, but you still got to. Sometimes that competition actually sharpens you up pretty well, and increases your beauty, actually. Makes you even more desirable because you're all sharing information, you know? "Well this trend here, or this movie here, or..." You know? Women focus on the little things in life. It's called sacred femininity.

Chase: 13:15 Sometimes the smallest things in life are the most important, like a diamond ring, right? Sacred masculinity focuses on the big things, so surround yourself with men who do big things. It'll only sharpen you. It is said that "As iron sharpens iron, so does one man to another." So friends are a need. Always have friends. If you have friends, value them. Its not amount of friends, even one friend is worth it and helps meet that need, but try to expose yourself to a variety of people so you can meet that need. Now, take responsibility for your own needs. That also assumes that you understand that you are not expecting other people to do that for you. It's not about you, you know, if your dishes need to be done, do it. If you need to clean your room, do it. And I'm at risk of sounding like Jordan Peterson when I say that, but seriously clean your freaking room.

Chase: 14:11 Be a responsible human being, you know, take responsibility for meeting your own needs. Don't expect someone else to do it. Certainly not expect your wife to do it, right? I mean, if she does it for you because she loves you, that's great, but she may end up losing respect for you because you're a slob, right? How about not allowing your woman to lose respect for you? That'd be nice. You know, maybe she'd be more interested in having sex with you because of that. Huh? Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. I can't say that enough. Take yourself out on a date. Dr. Robert Glover recommends it. I go out to my favorite wine bars sometimes, order myself a desert. It's just like a Pazooki cookie from, you know, like similar to BJ's brewery or whatever. It's nice. I like it. Or I get myself a Sangria. Why not? Just because. So take responsibility to meet your own needs.

Chase: 15:13 When you take responsibility for meeting your own needs people start to respect you because they're like, "Wow, that guy has got it together." You know, especially from, like, women to men, you know, they respect men that much more. When women take responsibility for meeting their own needs they don't look weak, you know? It sets them apart from the crowd. It makes them more desirable, you know? It's a sign of maturity, and mature people [is] really what people really are looking for, it's what they really want. Because maturity is what separates the men from the boys. It's what separates the women from the girls. But the only way that's going to happen is if you take responsibility for meeting your own needs. Because if you do meet your own needs and you're taking responsibility to do so, that means you are capable of meeting somebody else's needs.

Chase: 16:08 And that's how relationship happens. That's how relationship is possible. You can't be someone like me when I was 19 years old and I got married, and I couldn't... and I was not taking responsibility for meeting my own needs, and I couldn't meet my own needs to save my life. It's no wonder my wife at the time had no respect for me whatsoever. I wouldn't recommend her marrying someone like me in those days anyway. She should have thrown my ass in the dumpster. I deserved it. All because I wasn't able to meet my own needs. And how the hell could I have expected to meet her needs if I couldn't have met my own? She lost respect for me and the marriage broke down. I'm not married anymore. That's why. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. Do not repeat the mistakes of my life.

Chase: 17:04 Instead, don't make these mistakes at all. If you meet your own needs, that's one of the first... that is the first pillar of self intimacy. Because by meeting your needs, you are able to understand what it is to be mature. It's the first building [blocks] being mature, and then it leads into the next thing. Boundaries. We'll talk about in the next video. So if you found this video educational or helpful please leave a like or subscribe. If you have any questions about taking responsibility for meeting your own needs or... the works of Dr. Robert Glover and his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" go ahead and leave it in the comment section. I'll do my best to answer your questions and, uh, yeah. Awesome. I'll see you guys tonight.

 

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C. S. Joseph

Founder, CEO - CSJ.life

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