The Second Pillar Of Self Intimacy (Standards)

Transcript:

Chase: 00:00 Hey guys, it's CS Joseph with CSJoseph.life, doing another lecture video on the four pillars of self intimacy. We just finished talking about love your neighbor as yourself and taking responsibility for meeting your own needs, and how important those things are. Tonight's video we're going to be discussing personal standards, and how that is the second pillar of self intimacy. So why are personal standards important? Kind of seems like a pretty easy concept, especially with how windy it is, right? {Man, some great weather. We'll try to speak louder.} So anyway, personal standards.

Chase: 01:06 When you have... when you're finally meeting your needs, you know, and taking responsibility for meeting your own needs: you're living by the fist, faith, family, fitness, finance, friends. You got all those bases covered and you finally understand what your needs are. You've got them handled, basically. Let's say you got your finances going, you got your money handled, you got your budget, you got your fitness going, going to a gym, you're on a meal plan, you have a coach, you have people around you to hold you accountable. You have friends to hold you accountable, especially friends in your own gender [breathing] because that's very important. You also have faith in yourself and you're taking care of your family. Perhaps you've also identified other needs that... you had, that you need to do and in addition to living by the fist, right? And those particular needs, you have also been meeting over time because you recognize these needs and you're kind of adding onto them and building up yourself over time. All of a sudden you start to build for yourself expectations and standards. So the standard is, like, little rules that you set up for yourself. Rules that are put in place for you to meet your needs, right? So that you don't allow yourself to go back on meeting your needs. Now there's another pillar and that's boundaries, but that's, that's for external factors, you know, inhibiting your ability on meeting your needs. Standards are internal. Internal factors, kind of like internal boundaries, right? Let me give you a few examples of some standards,

Chase: 03:20 Like, how you won't have sexual contact with a woman until you're committed to taking a bullet for her, right? Because that means that's what it is to love, no greater love than when a man gives up his life for his beloved. That's the expectation. Shouldn't be sleeping with a woman if you're not willing to take a bullet for her. And like I've said before, women, if you're with a man who's not willing to take a bullet for you, throw them in the dumpster and move on quickly. Runaway. Maybe because he got thrown into the dumpster he'll stop being a manchild and wake up. All because you had the, I don't know, the stones, the ovaries... to be able to toss him out on his ass. Best thing ever happened to him was you breaking up with him and throwing him out of your life. So things like that, right? Standards. Always have standards for yourself. Standards that help you personally meet your needs.

Chase: 04:31 You know, some people, it's especially important in fitness, right? Having standards for you to meet your needs. That includes food, right? Organic, non-GMO, we talked about that yesterday. The type of lifts that you do, the type of equipment that you use. It could be a standard for the type of car you drive; like for example, one of my standards is I only drive Subaru or Toyota, sometimes Honda. Why? Because they're dependable and I don't have time to deal with anything breaking on me. I just don't want to have to deal with it. Right. Of course I'm also an ENTP, which means I'm not the most mechanical person in the world. So it's nice to be able to just... pick up a car, do the regular, you know, annual, biannual, quarterly maintenance on it and have no problem. That's the standard that I have to meet my own needs. Of course if my woman is super mechanically inclined, eh, I might loosen up on that standard, right? Because I could utilize her help, you know? ENTPs are not the best type to take a hammer to a nail, if you know what I mean.

New Speaker: 05:50 So based on that, it's all about having personal standards. Let's talk about friends, you know? Do you have standards for your friends? Are your friends helping you meet your needs? So I have a standard. All my friends have to be mature, right? All my friends are not people who are, you know, getting involved with, you know, drugs, illicit sex, or, you know, thieving, lying... All my friends are trustworthy and I take that very seriously. They're also loyal, and they're also people that deserve my loyalty because of how they contribute to me. A lot of people don't understand that. About how its important. You need to have standards, so you have the right friends in your life. What about standards for women, right? There's a really great concept by Mark Driscoll, he wrote a book called "Real Marriage" with his wife, Grace, to talk about the standard of beauty.

Chase: 07:07 You know, when a man is with a woman and they're [and they're] intimate, they're physically intimate, well that woman and her current beauty level is that [is that] man's standard of beauty. Now, if you're watching this video and you're in a relationship with somebody and they're not beautiful, well it's because you lowered your standard. That's on you. That's not on them. My advice to you, like say, let's say you got married to a woman. She was fine when you first got married, but now she's huge. Not exactly gratifying like it was in the old days. Here's what I recommend. Don't say anything to her and instead go to the gym.

Chase: 07:52 Go yourself. Lead by example, right? And through and through leading by example, what caused her to become insecure, especially as you start dropping fat, dropping weight, gaining muscle, getting stronger. She'll just get insecure about it. "Oh, what if other women start noticing him," and, "Wow, he's probably going to get a six pack soon," you know? "And I'm... I'm falling behind. This is not good," and all of a sudden she's motivated to go to the gym because you're going. Because you're raising the standard of beauty for yourself, right? Which puts pressure on her to raise her beauty and thus the standard of beauty is increased. And all of a sudden you got your hot wife back just like it was in the old day. Or maybe even any better depending if you have the guts to not give up and get off your ass in the morning, and actually go to the gym, and follow a meal plan, and keep track of your macros.

Chase: 08:55 You know what I mean? Be responsible for once. Just stop complaining that your woman's fat all the time. Chances are if she is you are, like, let's be honest. People are equally yoked that way. It's all about your personal standard. You need to have personal standards. Everyone does. Same thing with women. If you're man is not esteeming himself, humble yourself and go to the gym. Takes a lot of humility for a woman to go to the gym because they have to admit that they're not all that. So do it. It will put pressure on him, and if he doesn't notice it, if he doesn't care, well, that gives you license to move on and go to someone else who does care. That's a fact. It's all about personal standards.

New Speaker: 09:39 Young people, especially when I was like 18, 19, personal standards: it's my greatest weakness. I didn't have personal standards. I just thought I was lucky, right? Lucky to have a girlfriend when I did, lucky to have a car [that] I did. Somebody even gave me a car. Oh yeah, I was sure lucky, yeah. No. That car had strings attached to it. I let my personal standards down. In fact, I didn't even have personal standards. I regret that part of my life more than any other time. I wish I had been able to take responsibility for meeting my own needs. I wish that I had personal standards, but I didn't. And it caused 10 years of grief, of unnecessary grief and pain in my life as well as pain... on my ex wife, right? And my two children that I love deeply. But because I wasn't mature enough, because I wasn't taking responsibility for meeting my own needs and expecting her to do it for me; or expecting a member of the family to do it for me; or expecting other people in some case to support me; or expecting society to do it or my community.

Chase: 10:54 It took a while for me to figure out that no one owes me anything. Only I owe me anything. How do I owe me anything? Let me tell you. If I look at myself in the mirror and I think about the time when I was 18, making promises to myself about what I would be like in my adulthood, my young adulthood started. And if I hadn't meeten any of those standards yet, if I haven't meeten any of those dreams or goals yet, what kind of person would I be? In a lot of ways I have yet to meet that. Why? Well, it's because I lacked the personal standards. Lacking personal standards gets a man involved with low quality women. Gets a woman involved with low quality men. Men not willing to take a bullet for her, you know, men who don't esteem themselves.

New Speaker: 11:43 Or women who just decide that it's okay to let their body go because, "If he's living his body go, then it's fine if I let my body go too." Come on. It's all about personal standards, guys. You need to have personal standards. The second pillar of the four pillars of self intimacy. If you're meeting your needs, then you will naturally develop personal standards as a protection within yourself as a rule, a standard with which you live by within yourself to meet those needs. You know, like, it could be anything. Personal standard would be type of cars you drive, the food you eat, the woman that you sleep with, right? The man that you sleep with, the school that you put your children in, the type of education, where you go to church, or maybe you don't go to church. Doesn't matter. Your belief system: it's based on a personal standard. All of this is based on personal standards. You have to have personal standards.

Chase: 12:46 How else are you going to enforce you meeting your own needs? Because you'll start meeting your needs and you're like, "Oh hey, look, I'm meeting my needs," and then all of a sudden you'll start backtracking on that and not actually meeting your needs. Why? Because you didn't put up any standards. People walk around not knowing themselves, "I need to find myself, man. I need to know myself." Well, this is how you do it. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. Identify your needs, meet your needs. Then by creating standards, rules, regulations, routines, ways of doing things, products you use, how you spend your time, organizing your time: personal standards. Those personal standards become layers of protection that you hold yourself to, standards that you hold yourself to, so that you can continue to meet your needs. It is a requirement for maturity. It is a requirement to get to know yourself ,and to know who you are, so that you can have not only a vibrant relationship with yourself, but a vibrant relationship, an intimate relationship, with somebody else.

Chase: 13:58 Again, what business do you have loving somebody else if you can't even love yourself enough to take care of yourself. And that comes from not just meeting your own needs, but also meeting, creating, holding, enforcing, meeting your personal standards. So as you meet your needs and you live by the fist you will slowly come to discover what your personal standards are. What your expectations are. Do you have other people? Maybe you have a personal standard about someone and you're in a relationship with them, or they're your friend, that they have to be loyal to you, right? Or maybe you have a standard where if you're going to be loyal to someone that they desire you because of it, right? That's what it's all about. Personal standards. If you do not have personal standards, you do not know yourself. You cannot love with yourself. You cannot be in a relationship with anyone. That includes friends, that's not just intimate relationships.

Chase: 15:01 You have to know your standards in order to know who you are. A lot of people are like, "Oh, well, what am I going to be when I grow up? I don't know. I don't know." It's not about that guys. Everyone gets on millennials all the time about how millennials are, like... they don't want to do anything. They don't... I mean, Simon Sinek talks about it a lot. God bless that guy. He's a good man. INFJ as well. Simon Sinek talks about how millennials are not actually the problem. And you know, he's right. It's about personal standards. It really is about personal standards. If we have these personal standards, we come to know who we are. It's not about what I want to be when I grow up. That's not about it. That's the wrong narrative. That's the wrong sales pitch, and we've all bought into it. The reality of the situation is: is that how can I meet my needs? What standards and rules do I need to set up for myself for me to meet my needs? Its not [what about], it's not about what I want to be when I grow up, guys. It's not like any of us really had a choice anyway, let's be honest. It's about needs.

New Speaker: 16:20 What it should have been from when we were growing up, our parents should have looked at us and told us, "So what are you going to need to do to meet your needs? What needs there do you have?" So, and then they would sit down with you and identify your needs, and what your needs will be, and what you will need to do, and what personal standards you will need to have in order to meet those needs. That is the walk into manhood or womanhood. That is the rite of passage that needed to occur, but apparently in this society it doesn't and we have 50 year old man children. Are you kidding me?

New Speaker: 17:04 This is ridiculous. I'm sorry, but Generation X completely dropped the ball. So did their parents, the Baby Boomers, you know? People that call them, and then before then the Greatest Generation. There's a lot of failure in the past guys, because after awhile everyone forgot how to take responsibility for meeting their own needs, and they forgot how to enforce personal standards. By having those personal standards, those personal expectations for oneself so that you can meet your needs, you are on the path to maturity. You can become a noble man, you can become a beautiful woman who is desired and sought after. I'm sorry, but it is a desert out there people. There are so many man children, women don't even know what to do with themselves it's so bad. And they're constantly afraid that they're going to get into a bad situation and then it's like, "Well, I guess I'll just have casual sex then because that's all there is."

Chase: 18:09 Unbelievable. How can we allow this to happen in our society? We should put a stop to this guys, and we do that by having personal standards. So if you're watching this video, write down your needs, identify what your needs are, live by the fist: faith, family, fitness, finance, and friends. Prioritize. Then create standards with which you personally follow, personal expectations that you have of yourself, even expectations you have of others, right? I have a standard with how healthy my woman has to be, right? I have a standard with how healthy I have to be, right? I have a standard with the type of car that I drive, right? I have a standard about the food that I eat, or the gym I go to. These are all important things, right? So in order to accomplish this, you have to develop your personal standards. If we want to put a stop to this fatherless generation, if we want to allow the hearts of fathers to return to their children again, and the hearts of children return to their fathers, we do this by creating great men and great women. We do this by having personal standards.

Chase: 19:30 So with that, if you found this video helpful, or educational, or enlightening, please leave a like, subscribe. If you have any questions about this pillar of self intimacy, please leave it in the comment section below. I will do my best to answer your question. It's all about personal standards guys, let's work together to make some. If you have any interesting, regular, original, or even, "Wow, I didn't know that was a personal standard," if you have personal standards, go and list it in the comment section, that'd be fantastic. I'd love to read them. So, and with that... got two more videos on this series before I move on to the next human nurture series. Actually three videos. So you all have a good night.

 

AUTHOR


C. S. Joseph

Founder, CEO - CSJ.life

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