What Is The Virtue And Vice Of ENFJs? Benevolence Vs. Cruelty
Chase: 00:01 Hey guys, it's CS Joseph with CSJoseph.life filming or recording from the San Jose International Airport, and it's because I'm going overseas right now. So, but just because I'm going overseas, well, that's no excuse for me to, like not maintain my YouTube channel, right? So, that being said let's dive in to the next episode in our series about virtue and vice. So we've been talking about the ESTJ, the ESTP, and the ENTJ, and for right now we're going to be focusing on the ENFJ, also known as the mentor. So the mentor is very interesting as it is one of the direct initiating control types, but it's also an idealist. Yesterday's type, the chief, ENTJ, that's an intellectual, but as of today... focusing on more of an idealistic type within it's temperament. So, ENFJ. ENFJ is [got] a very interesting virtue and vice, especially because it's very polarizing... and compared to, like, the ENTJ where it's more like altruistic versus avarice.
Chase: 01:26 This one is kind of more personal and more people focused, obviously because they're an idealist. So anyway, they virtue advice of the ENFJ is known as benevolence versus cruelty. So the ENFJ can be, like, the most benevolent of all the types. Benevolence means that they're so giving, that they're all about other people and how they feel, and they want to give that really good experience that Fe hero Se child point of view, right? Because they're also trying to teach people things and show people things, but they're doing it out of the kindness of their heart, right? Super, super benevolent there. You can always call an ENFJ and they will help you. They will offer help. They will do their best to make your life better in some capacity. They take it very seriously and because they take it so seriously, they do it from, like, an in charge standpoint.
Chase: 02:28 It's almost like they're a walking institution... for good; or a walking activism executer; or a walking charity to some point, although they're not the most charitable of all the types. That's actually a different type. But ENFJ benevolence can lead them to taking on a charity, and supporting that charity, and [and] supporting activism in that way, shape or form. That's actually very normal for them. Now because they get so benevolent and they're helping other people, they're being really good, well, they usually... It's similar to how you know, ENTJs get where, you know, there could be strings attached depending on who initiates the request, you know. If someone's asking the ENFJ for help, there is a risk of strings being attached instead of the ENFJ just straight up offering to help, which is what they usually do anyway through their benevolence.
Chase: 03:30 But in the situation where there's strings attached you have to be careful. So why is that? Well, because they can be really cruel about it. You know, they, [they], they walk around, they [they] believe that they're so giving, right? They're so giving to others that they give others such a good experience, they want those people around them that received these gifts from them because they love giving gifts. They very much love giving gifts. Receiving gifts is cool, but they, like, giving gifts is a big deal. But, you know, if that, if that doesn't cause the person to become loyal to them, or makes that person disloyal, then they get really butthurt about it, and then they can get really cruel. And the ENFJ can actually be the cruelest of all the types. I [I] remember, I remember my own…
Chase: 04:20 My father, he's actually ENFJ, and I got to say he is one of the most cruel people I have ever met, in as much as he is one of the most giving people I have ever met. He is so giving that he gave, like, a good portion of his life away to his belief system, to his spirituality, to his church. Very much because he always was involved in church leadership. Always wanted to help people, very focused on how people feel, trying to give them the best experience possible. And he [he] literally would walk around wanting to do this and be as benevolent as possible. Everyone knew that they could call on my father and asked him for help, and he would help them. Even bring those people into his home, especially disaffected youth. I remember growing up as a child and there [was] tons of disaffected youth in my home on a regular basis.
Chase: 05:14 Right? So He's an ENFJ. But [but] the thing is though, he just all of a sudden turned super cruel. I remember this one memory I had when I was little, and I saw this peacock in the back of the yard. It was gigantic. It's first time I ever seen a peacock before, I never even knew what they looked like. To me It just looked like some crazy wild turkey, right? So my dad, because he's an ENFJ, he [likes] to host a social events at our home, and he was doing that usually with members of the church or whatnot. And this turkey is in the backyard and I saw it, you know, and then, you know, I'm just a kid, right? So I go out to where everyone's sitting around the [the] fire in the front yard and I go tell him, "Hey, you know, there's this giant bird turkey thing in the backyard."
Chase: 06:08 And he's like, "Okay, well let's go take a look.: So he gets up and everyone follows him, right? And so they all follow me back to the backyard, or follow him actually, because, you know, ENFJs are in charge, right? They're structured types, direct initiating control, so they usually take lead, right? So he was leading and they led us all to the backyard. And [so] and then we saw the bird and [and] then he's [he] says to me, "Hey, what do you see?" You know, like, I looked at him like, "What do you mean?" He's like, "What do you see?" And then [I] said, "Dad, there's a turkey in the backyard." And he points his finger right at me in front of everybody and says, "Yes, yes there is," right? It was very embarrassing. It was very cruel. Especially, you know, for an Si inferior ENTP child.
Chase: 07:08 Some of you watching this will be like, "Wow, that's actually pretty funny," or... it is, let's be honest. It actually is funny, you know. And some of you watching, it's like, "Oh wow, that can be, like, pretty cruel." Especially like, you know, I mean, come on, like, I was the fat kid in school, you know. I [I] mean for example I weighed 287 pounds when I was 14 years old, okay? That was the highest I ever weighed in my life and I was 14 years old. I was going into high school when I was that big. I hated it. So being the fat kid in school and being, you know, made me super sensitive to those situations, right? Which only made the cruelty even further. I also remember another time with my dad, he'd talk about, you know, grades were very important to him.
Chase: 07:57 Right? And he would threaten me about having anything lower than a B - in my grades at school. It was terrifying, and he was extremely cruel about it, you know, that I would say, you know, very heavy handed, right? With what he would threaten me. Like, like, "Okay, well if you don't have good grades, you're grounded for, like, the next nine weeks, and all you do is in your room. You can sit in your room and sit on a box, and that's how you're going to spend all your time," basically. Like he threatened me with those [those] things on a regular basis, and it just goes beyond... It goes beyond that too. I mean, I've also been in relationships with ENFJs, you know, romantic relationships. I'm actually in a romantic relationship with one right now, and she can also get really cruel sometimes.
Chase: 08:52 Especially, if you think about it, ENFJ-ENTP relationship: the ENFJ oftentimes accuses the ENTP of being super cruel. The reason why is because the ENTP, well, is just being sincere, right? But the problem is [is] that when you're being sincere and telling you nothing but the truth, the truth hurts people, right? They have negative emotional reactions to hearing truth, right? Which ends up pissing off the ENFJ and they're no longer interested in being benevolent anymore, and instead of that they just go super cruel mode and, you know. They can say the most terrible things, the most disrespectful things you've ever heard, and it's like, "Wow, where did that come from?" It's just they get so caught up in the moment and they get so enraged in the moment that it can actually cause a lot of... I know, it's Kinda like they're going super sand almost.
Chase: 09:42 You know what I mean? They got the bright yellow hair, the golden aura, the menacing green eyes, you know. These ENFJs, when they're in rage mode, when they're upset and they can say some of those cruel things you ever heard. INFJs could do this too. Definitely don't worry, but it is not as bad as ENFJs. ENFJs, it can get even worse, you know, and even to the point where they'd almost be willing to strike you in some cases, although I've never actually dealt with that. At least in my romantic relationships, but I have dealt with that with my father. Now don't get me wrong, I love my father and I respect him. And he's an, he's great, he's a great guy, and a good man, and many would definitely say that, but it just goes to show you that even ENFJs are human.
Chase: 10:38 Even ENFJs struggle with a vice, right, and the vice is cruelty... they, they, they love jokes, and sometimes their jokes are so true. And so, like, they [they] cut people down. Now ENFJs, they have this thing where, like, "Oh, I'm building you up, I'm building you up," and then all of a sudden they just cut you to shreds and there's nothing left, right? Oh, and then they [and] then it's like, "Well, I had to break you down in order to build you up," type of a thing. That's a very ENFJ point of view. ISTPs, because they have ENFJ subconscious, they actually do this similarly as well. Except instead of, except they kind of do it from the point of view, "Well, I'm just going to break you down majority of the time and only lift you up if you need it, if you're not able to lift yourself up."
Chase: 11:27 Right? But again, an ISTP, although people accuse them of being super cruel, not as cruel as the ENFJ because the ENFJ... because their Fe hero, that really knows where to attack somebody... Because the best way to win a war or a battle with your adversaries, you attack their heart, and that's what ENFJs are all about with their vice, cruelty. They can be the most cruel people you have ever met. So what you gotta do is try to focus to keep them focused on being benevolent as much as possible. Its very important, especially when you're in a relationship with one, or being raised with one. You keep them benevolent, and you do that by giving them recognition by... by giving them their day in court. You always want to listen to them because an ENFJ that's not listened to, they [they] will go cruel immediately.
Chase: 12:20 You've got to be very careful. If you have a pattern of behavior where you are not listening to their Ti inferior, good luck because then they're demon is going to come out, and they're demon is super cruel. It is this ESTJ taskmaster that's got a whip, and it will whip you, and whip you, and whip you because the beatings will continue until morale improves. That is literally the vice of the ENFJ. Cruelty. Be careful, keep them [a] benevolent mode. Give them their day in court, always give them, show them appreciation and recognition for all of their contributions to you. Give them the freedom to do whatever they want and to be able to give people a good experience, and allow them to take charge and allow them to take the lead. It is absolutely important that you do this because at times, especially if they get upset and angry, and then the extroverted sensing rage activates in conjunction with their Te demon, and it's what we call the demonic child.
Chase: 13:22 When that child comes out, whoa man, that cruelty, they will hit you where it hurts. Where you least expect it, and they will not only do it privately, but they will do it in public as well. Which will lead to people destroying, which would lead potentially lead to your reputation being destroyed in front of others as well as them losing respect amongst their peers, that they're doing it in front of their peers. Because their peers would be like, "Wow, that person, that ENFJ guy or gal is taking it way too far." So you gotta be super, super careful in those situations.
Chase: 14:01 Also, now the vice of cruelty, it doesn't necessarily mean it's always a bad thing. It can be a bad thing, and people's vices obviously can be bad things, but sometimes it can be a good thing to a point. Sometimes cruelty is necessary in order to get somebody to learn a lesson that they are not willing to learn, right? Because if you could put this, like, shock on them, you know, a kind of a shock and awe point of view, because that's literally what ENFJs are all about. They're all about shock an awe. If you do a shock and awe situation with ENFJs, then you find yourself in a position where that person is learning, you know, they're actually willing to learn because it destroys pride, right? So that cruelty can be used to destroy unnecessary pride and get someone thinking in the right, you know, behaving morally for once, or making better decisions and being more responsible.
Chase: 14:56 And that's how ENFJs can responsibly use that vice and really help someone. But I'm sorry, the majority of the time they take it way too far. Their cruelty, and it is extremely punishing and overbearing. In the same way that they can be overbearing with their benevolence in helping people, and healing people, and, and, and building people up. They can be very overbearing with their cruelty. So just realize it's important to stay balanced. Stay balanced between your virtue and vice and, you know, if you're in a relationship with an ENFJ make sure you give them the recognition. You give them their day in court, you give them the freedom that they need, and everything will be fine. And then realize that when they're getting ragey, and they're angry at you, and they're saying super cruel things, they mean it in the moment, but they do not mean it long term.
Chase: 15:47 It's not something that you have to take and just realize it's, like, this is how they feel about me all the time. It's not that at all. That's not what their ego is saying. Remember, it's the demonic child, right? Don't listen to the demonic child and it's stupid accusations about you and how disloyal you might be or whatever. Because again, also ENFJs when they're being cruel, a lot of the times they're jumping to conclusions because they're an NJ type, right? NJs have this problem where all NJs jump to conclusions about what other people are doing, and then they accuse and pass judgment on those people without giving those people an opportunity to change or defend themselves. Like for example, my dad, [he] there is this drug addict that used to go to church with, you know, and I [I] met this guy, you know, years later after being a small child in my young adulthood.
Chase: 16:41 And I told my dad about it and my dad's like, "That guy? He's a drug addict." And I'm like, "Dad, he's been clean for 15 years. He's actually a really cool dude and he wants to talk to you." My dad wouldn't have anything to do with it, right? It's because [it's because] NJs, actually all NJs have this thing where, you know, when someone wrongs them or they observe wrong. That is frozen in time basically, in their psyche, and that person is that way forever until proven and observed by them otherwise. The thing is though, the NJ has no desire to observe that person because the NJ has already made that decision about that person. And that's even worse with ENFJs because their cruelty factor [with] their vice. And it's like, "What the hell?" So what I end up having to do with like my dad or my girlfriend, etc.
Chase: 17:35 I end up having to [laugh] kind of force them to recognize that people have changed, and I have to remind both of them. My aunt is also an ENFJ. I have to remind all of them that, you know, give people room [to] the room to change because they need to change without, [without] being aware that someone might be a better person because they've changed, they've matured in their life, you know. They're losing out on excellent opportunities to have relationships with people, and they're [just] choosing the close themselves off. INFJs do that too, but not as bad as ENFJ, and again NJs in general kind of all have this problem. But, you know, NTJs are willing to [forgive]. It's funny, NTJs get a lot of crap about, you know, being unloving and whatnot, but in reality NTJs... NTJs can be really, really forgiving. More so than NFJs, believe it or not.
Chase: 18:31 So it's just a little bit of a segue to kind of bring more perspective to this particular virtue and vice. So anyway, if you found this lecture, helpful, insightful, please subscribe to the channel or to the podcast. If you have any questions about ENFJs or their virtue and vice, please leave it in the comment section and I'll do my best to answer any questions that you may have regarding that. So anyway, I'm going to be on the plane for, like, the longest time and going overseas, and we'll be shooting videos consistently and recording consistently. Hopefully I'm able to upload them, we'll find out. So, but yeah, I'll see you guys tonight.